


Endless Rain

by ShadowHaloedAngel



Series: Tenshi [3]
Category: Jrock
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-14
Updated: 2012-08-14
Packaged: 2017-11-12 03:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/486143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowHaloedAngel/pseuds/ShadowHaloedAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the memories get too much...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Endless Rain

_Endless rain, fall on my heart In this wounded soul. Let me forget, all of the hate, all of the sadness._

It was as true today as it had been then, but the rain was never endless, and the anaesthesia of sleep nothing more than a memory.

It had been another one of /those/ days. The days when he functioned, when he smiled and joked and /acted/ flawlessly. The days when he was too painfully exhausted to carry on, and when golden eyes were shadowed by memories he wanted nothing more than to forget.

The one person who had understood these days, who had known enough to see past the mask, to make the excuses for him and take him home, to sit with him and drink till they were both numb, to crawl into bed with him at the end of the night as shield and sedative was nothing more now than another open wound scored on his soul.

Absently, mechanically, barely aware of his movements, he pulled the cork on the bottle of red wine left standing on the table. The bitter liquid glugged into the glass, the only sound in the silence which settled like a dust sheet over everything, holding him down, suffocating. The wine was never enough, though, not on its own. It lowered his defences, but could not make him surrender to the pain entirely. No, it had been warm arms which did that, and soft caresses in an intimate embrace which never asked more of him than he was willing to give, while offering him everything in turn. It had been the man who had absorbed the silent tears, and the pleas which fell, alternately whispered and screamed from his lips. It had been the company, the understanding which finally acted as a sedative.

Unable to resist the summons now, he placed the glass aside, and fled to what refuge remained - that ebony and ivory shelter, the wild mistress which could ease pain, and cause it. The only chance he had.

He didn't even stop to think, barely settling his fingers before he began to play, to let everything pour through him, feeling his heartbeat quicken, his breath catch and his eyes burn, but the release was incomplete. Nothing as impersonal, as unforgiving could grant him what he sought, yet still he tried, giving all he could, all he was in an inadequate sacrifice for some kind of twisted benediction which would never come.

He was bent, shuddering, shaking, over the keys which promised so much they could not deliver when, as if in a dream, fingers brushed his hair back from his forehead, combing through it soothingly. He didn't open his eyes. If he didn't open his eyes, he could pretend. Pretend that the last ten years hadn't happened, had been nothing more than a nightmare. He could imagine Hide's expression, the concerned frown as fingers ghosted down his cheek, which morphed so easily into a reassuring smile, and a soft, almost reproachful 'Yo-chan...'. The image was so real he could almost reach out and touch it, but the dream had been strong enough that he was scared of shattering the illusion... it had been a lie, a horrible misunderstanding. That was all. But the pain was real, and so were the arms around him, gently lifting him, guiding him away. 

He offered no resistance as he was manipulated, allowing himself to be laid down, to surrender to the feeling of a warm body next to his. Despite himself, his lips curved up in a small smile, and a whisper fell unbidden into the soft oblivion of the darkness and the sheets.

"Hide..."

Beside him in the darkness, Akito flinched, but once more brushed his fingertips over the cheek of the man he loved. He knew Yoshiki didn't mean it, just as he knew that in the morning, if he remembered, he would feel guilty for it. He also knew, though, that sometimes this happened. Sometimes it got too much. And he understood. Some wounds went too deep to heal, so all he could do was be the bandage that held them together. He loved Yoshiki, and he knew Yoshiki loved him, too. It was a damaged kind of love, but it was all they had, and it was love all the same, even if it could never be what had gone before.

_Endless rain, fall on my heart, in this wounded soul. Let me forget, all of the hate, all of the sadness. Endless rain, let me stay a memory in your heart. Let me take in your tears, take in your memories._


End file.
